How To Disagree Without Being Disagreeable by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.

How To Disagree Without Being Disagreeable Getting Your Point Across With The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.

Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D. is a linguist. She is writing about how to diffuse potential conflicts and disagreements. The book mainly focuses on disagreements between close family and disagreements at the job. Her first point is that almost all physical violence is preceded by violent language. If we reduce violent language we will improve the general atmosphere which people live in.

I don't agree with some of her philosophy. I don't think people should avoid conflict at all costs. I think of conflict as a natural part of being human. I just think that aggression should be channeled into constructive acts like climbing mountains, sports, and racing cars.

However, her methodologies seem to be quite well done. They are easy to follow. She reminds us to actively listen. Most people don't pay enough attention. She also gives two simple methodologies to help eliminate the effects of bad language. Write it down or make I statements.

We use metaphors and ideas when we speak. Understanding presuppositions people make allows us to counter nasty statements in a non-hostile manner. We learn about common verbal attack patterns and how to counter them. There are several different ways suggested including being rational, addressing the subject not the insult, objecting to bad language, and bringing the argument to a common level.

The book seems to have a fairly strong feminist philosophy to it. There is quite a bit about how men and women talk to each other during verbal conflicts. She uses a lot of different examples in the book. Each chapter has a number of written out dialogues illustrating her points. She covers nine points in the book; staying detached, listening, choosing your metaphor, choosing your satir mode, controlling your presuppositions, avoiding and defusing verbal attack patterns, and reducing tension and building arpport.

The book is short, 170 pages, references and bibliography, and index. It is a fairly quick read. This book will have strong reactions for and against it.

Spunk & Bite A Writer's Guide to Punchier, more engagings language & Style by Arthur Plotnik

Spunk and Bite A writer's guide to punchier, more engagings language and Style. by Arthur Plotnik


This book is about how to put fire into your words. Change them from common things like blue and building to cerulean and tower. Make the castle a monstrous edifice and the suit concrete specked gray.


It invites you to change your language, sound less ordinary, and add some bite. Speak with the diction of a street hustler or Generation Y.


Pay attention to your language; maybe use a thesaurus to find new words apart from the ordinary; or use a visual dictionary to learn all the parts of that boat you are writing about.


Maybe you need a little onomatopoeia to give your character some squishiness, bang, or explosiveness. Make your novel sound the like the world around you. No dull sentences filled with the ordinary every day grey.


Arthur Plotnik gives you permission to use sentence fragments when it adds spice: to use foreign terms like udon or caramba: and even shows you how to create your own words. Isn't that just swish.


He wants you to use less common adverbs, burble and bubble with neologisms, and write with force and character.


Use of language allows you to rise out of the common slush pile and onto the editors desk. Break the rules of grammar if you need to sound interesting. Use non-standard formatting for dialogue. Make your language flow with feng shui; all the pieces opening and closing properly.


The only parts that didn't flow too well for me were the sections on grammar; what is the point of the colon and semicolon. I don't know, the sections on words were much better. Also, I found his writing on sentence structure to be a bit tedious. Read this book to learn about words and how to use them.


This is a book about language and making writing come alive. The book is quite lively and readable. You might even call it entertaining. I think it might help the writer who needs to add some color and vividness to their writing. Read it if you want to add a little Spunk & Bite to your writing.


Arthur Plotnik is the author of The Elements of Editing